s h e ' s b a c k . . .

      After Laughter's blaring again. Through my TV. And I'm dancing... wiping... weeping... that's what they like, right?

    Lots of the lyrics are starting to feel real again. 

    I laughed it off. Ironic. That's how it has always been. I'll be alright by tomorrow. It's the weekend after all. I'll be okay.

    Somehow, my laugh seems to be off. It's not ironic anymore. It's straight-up mocking.

    I look at my reflection in the mirror. She's piercing into my soul, intimidating me, her owner. 

    Since when do I have that gaze?

    I don't like how I stare at people. That's why I always keep my head down when I'm not talking. That's why I have to smile all the time. Why do I have that gaze, I ask?

 'No, no...' I told myself.

She can't come back.

    Now my head hurts. I'm hyperventilating again. I've never wanted to cry more in my life. In fact, I think I shouldn't have stopped. I should've let it all go. 

    And why is it New Year's Day's turn? When was it over? Was it over in the first place? Or was it her doings?

    I'm not sure. Ash Costello's voice is ringing in my ears. She said, I'm about to break you.

    And somehow, a part of me was satisfied.

    I don't want that. I'd rather listen to BTS.

    No... Not that one! I mean Zero O'Clock. NOT BOY MEETS EVIL!

    NO NO NO. 

    I grabbed the remote quickly. I changed the playlist. It's To My Youth now. It's good. I just have to think of what has been going on lately. Maybe I'll even call my mom. Yeah, that'll help.

    Here's an update, it didn't. I cut it shortly after 'how's your day?'. And as much as I try to, nothing seems to fall from my eyes. Nothing helped. Not Breathe. Not You Never Know. Not Zero O'Clock. 

    I'm not giving in. I need Everything I Wanted.

    Why isn't it working? Why doesn't it feel real to me? Why?

    Because I have no one to make me feel like how Billie is to Finneas?

    I'm good with no one. I don't need anyone. I can pity myself. I'll be alright. I'm better off without everyone, anyway. All they do is bring me down. But that's because I'm capable of everything. And by that, I mean every single thing. 

    Oh no, I think I let her win again. It's 2016 all over again.

    Okay, maybe I'll let her play for a while. No, I mean, I'll let myself play. Trust me, we'll be fine. Let me in. I'll show them. It's me. I'm me. This is the real me.

    And I'm not letting anyone hurt me.

    

happiness 101

to be the happiest version of yourself is simple

you don’t have to be anyone, or anything

the only thing you have to be is grateful

Something Indonesians Should Stop Doing: Glorifying White People!

Hello, this is Ainna speaking.

After months of stressing myself, another entry is here to be presented, yay! I actually really wanted to write about this for a long time but I just got the motivation to do it after watching a video (I don't know the title but I'll link it here if I find it.)

Also, I've tried to talk to my closest relatives about this, but it seems like they don't get it. It's such a shame, because I think we need to change this mentality that has been normalized in my society, especially as an Asian, growing up in an Asian neighborhood.

So, before I start this, please hold your beer, because I'm not anti-white. Also, please excuse the rude words that I may use here because I'm on fire, hehe. Are we good to go now? Okay, off we go.

1. English is a must?

In Indonesia, it's no surprise that we are being taught English in our schools. From 1st to 12th grade, we continue to learn lots of tenses with confusing uses. It's not a bad thing though, not at all, because if it is then I won't be here raising up my voice in English like this, right?

12 years of being taught English does not mean that it's 12 years of speaking, writing, thinking like a native speaker. Most of us only learn it for around 1-3 hours a week at school, so why is it a bad thing that we are not fluent in a language that we don't even speak all the time?

Then why are those people on the internet or in real life calling you out for mixing up "do" and "does"? Why are they whining when you misspell "definitely"? Why do they itch when you pronounce "1925" as "One thousand nine hundred twenty five"? And the way they say it is not even a criticism, it's a straight-up hate.

I know we all hate grammar nazis. I know we all do. Especially when they're Indonesians and they think they're better than anyone else! Or when they're white with superiority complex and those white priviledge. Familiar, isn't it?


While this is something that shouldn't be a problem in the first place, the same people tend to praise foreigners who come to Indonesia and speak the most basic and common phrases, such as "Terima kasih" and "Saya cinta kalian". There could be someone famous like Justin Bieber or Shawn Mendes, promoting their music to their audience in Indonesia while using these phrases, they get praises for that! Well, it's not like they're fluent, right? Even their accents could be something that we make fun of, just like how they make fun of ours when we're speaking English. Funny enough?

This is also an indirect result of many decades of imperialism and colonialism of the Europeans, alongside with the other mindsets that benefit white people. This doesn't only happen in Indonesia, but almost every country in Asia. So, I'm about to spill another tea about these mindsets generalizations, are you ready?

2. The lighter the skin the better

Now we're here. This is a mindset that is very common in Asian countries. People outside Asia have started to talk about this, when will we start?

We still have only fair-skinned models potrayed on tv. We still have whitening products that may even cause harm to us being sold everywhere. This is because we have seen white people as the standard of beauty for generations. And it's somehow funny since they go to tropical countries like Indonesia to get tan.

Then what about darker skinned Asians? Will we ever stop the discrimination towards them? Especially when there are Asians that don't even think twice and just call them n-word? Come on, that is offensive to Black people! Do you ever learn about it or do you want to continue being an ignorant dumbass for the rest of your life?

All I have to say is, whatever your skin color is, be nice to people. Then that's how people would know that you're beautiful.

Harapan

Saat ini ibu pertiwi menangis

melihat banyak elit politik

mereka kini tak bersuara hingga habis

tetapi saling menjatuhkan secara licik

Ibu pertiwi merintih

mendengar kabar para bupati

yang ia percayai sepenuh hati

masuk sel karena korupsi

Ibu pertiwi rapuh

melihat rakyatnya merusuh

yang dulunya semurni susu

kini tercemar, saling menuduh

Ibu pertiwi bertanya - tanya

melihat kaum yang saling mengkafirkan,

bagaimana kita hidup dengan keberagaman

jika kita tidak toleran?

Ibu pertiwi hanya punya satu harapan

untuk rakyat Indonesia tercinta,

pujalah persatuan

agar kita hidup damai bersama.

a way to better life (original poem)

i believe in iridescence

the bittersweet taste of adolescence

like the color of butterfly sights

you’ll find me under the sunshine and the blinding lights

i used to trust sentences

and i’ve been living thousands of repentances

but here comes the crystal clear sincerity

the most beautiful serendipity

i get dizzy by the thoughts of the past

when i thought the pleasure won’t last

it came to the point where i couldn’t live

it’s a picture i wish i couldn’t relive

i really thought i had lost my mind

but i found myself when i finally understood the pattern

i have let go of the intertwined

today and tomorrow, that’s all that matters.

i finally love me. ❤️ 

blasphemy (an original unfinished song)

just one breath and I’m all yours

hear the so-called angels knocking at my door

imprisoned, locked up, restrained

is it possible for me to know better than the saints?

hear the people laughing underneath

how they love to see us sinners gritting our teeth

the world is breaking, the hearts are shattering

and we are falling, for what we think is changing

turn off the tv, I don’t wanna see

take all the mirrors down and break it all

i want them all to call out their God’s name

i want to hear them say it, say it in vain

it’s blasphemy

VOC

Kali ini saya membuat mind map yang dapat membantu pembelajaran tentang VOC agar lebih gampang untung diingat. Dibawah ini, saya akan menjelaskan lebih detail tentang mind map yang saya buat.

A. PENGERTIAN

VOC atau Vereenigde Oostindische Compagnie adalah suatu kongsi dagang milik Belanda yang sempat menguasai Indonesia di masa kolonialisme.

B. ALASAN DIBENTUK

Alasan dibentuknya VOC awalnya adalah untuk menghindari persaingan dagang tidak sehat dengan sesama pedagang dari Belanda, maka dibuatlah suatu kongsi dagang untuk para pedagang tersebut, yaitu VOC. VOC juga dibentuk untuk memperkuat status pedagang Belanda dibandingkan dengan pedagang - pedagang dari daerah lain seperti Inggris dan Portugis. Selain itu, VOC dibentuk untuk menguasai perdagangan di Nusantara dan sebagai kekuatan revolusi bagi Belanda.

C. TANGGAL DAN TEMPAT DIBENTUK

VOC akhirnya didirikan secara resmi di Amsterdam, 20 Maret 1602 setelah hanya menjadi usulan pemerintah dan Parlemen Belanda (Staten Generaal) selama 4 tahun.

D. LATAR BELAKANG

Latar belakang dibentuknya VOC adalah karena adanya persaingan antara pedagang - pedagang Belanda yang membuat pemerintah Belanda rugi besar. Dibuatlah sebuah perusahaan untuk para pedagang tersebut agar dapat bersaing dengan sehat, yaitu VOC.

E. GUBERNUR JENDERAL DARI VOC

Gubernur jenderal Hindia-Belanda yang berasal dari VOC totalnya ada 32 orang. Tetapi, yang bisa disebut sukses dalam memerintah ada 5, yaitu :

1. Pieter Both
2. Jan Pieterzoon Coen (J.P. Coen)
3. Autonio Vandiemen
4. Joan Maetsycker
5. Cornelis Speelman

F. PERATURAN PERDAGANGAN MONOPOLI

VOC membuat 5 peraturan untuk melancarkan perdagangan monopoli :

1. Contingenten, yaitu kewajiban rakyat untuk membayar pajak berupa hasil bumi kepada VOC
2. Verplichte Leverantie, yaitu penyerahan wajib hasil bumi dengan harga yang telah ditetapkan VOC. Peraturan ini juga menyatakan bahwa rakyat tidak boleh menjual hasil buminya selain kepada VOC.
3. Peraturan tentang ketentuan area dan jumlah tanaman rempah-rempah yang boleh ditanam.
4. Ekstripasi, yaitu bahwa VOC mempunyai hak untuk menebang tanaman rempah - rempah agar tidak terjadi overproduksi yang mengakibatkan harga rempah - rempah menurun.
5. Pelayaran Hongi, yaitu pelayaran dengan perahu Kora-Kora (perahu perang) untuk mengawasi pelaksanaan monopoli perdagangan VOC dan menindak pelanggarnya.

G. HAK OCTROOI

VOC mempunyai hak - hak istimewa yang diberikan pemerintah Belanda yang disebut hak octrooi. Hak - hak tersebut meliputi :

1. Hak mengadakan perjanjian dengan raja - raja setempat.
2. Hak untuk mencetak dan menyebarkan mata uang sendiri.
3. Hak untuk membentuk angkatan perang sendiri.
4. Hak untuk memiliki benteng pertahanan.
5. Hak untuk mengangkat dan memberhentikan pegawai.
6. Hak untuk menyatakan perang dan damai.
7. Hak untuk mengangkat dan memberhentikan penguasa / pejabat setempat.

H. KOMODITAS

Komoditas yang diinginkan oleh VOC sehingga membentuk kebijakan tanam paksa adalah pala dan cengkeh.

I. FAKTOR KEMUNDURAN

Ada banyak faktor kemunduran VOC. Faktor - faktor tersebut meliputi :

1. Adanya korupsi yang dilakukan oleh pegawai - pegawai VOC
2. Untuk memperluas daerah kekuasaannya, VOC memerlukan pegawai yang banyak, yang berarti VOC harus menggaji lebih banyak pegawai.
3. Adanya persaingan antara Belanda dengan Portugis.
4. VOC dililit hutang yang menumpuk.
5. Mulai masuknya paham liberalisme yang membuat monopoli perdagangan tidak lagi dapat diteruskan.
6. Biaya perang yang sangat besar.
7. Belanda dijajah oleh Perancis pada tahun 1795.

Demikianlah mind map tentang VOC beserta penjelasannya.