Hiiiiiiii
I honestly don't know what I'm doing here, really. But I've been taking a break from Instagram, where I go everytime I need to rant over something because I love when people see my Instagram stories, or Snapgrams, or whatever you call it, I feel like people are listening to what I feel or think about something lol. So now I'm just gonna write it down here because this thing called blog is pretty empty and boring and I don't want to seem like I only made this blog just for my school projects.
Kay that's a good (jk) long intro. Let's get into the rant because why tf not (I don't know if I can curse or nah here I hope my teacher doesn't see this lol)
So I've been dealing with my insecurities for a long time now and I want to share anything about it here. I remember the first time I felt insecure. It was on grade 2, when my teacher asked us all about our dreams, what we want to be in the future.
She asked me, "So, what do you want to be?"
And I, being my dreamy self, answered, "I want to be an astronaut!". That's because I really loved this one book I got on my 6th birthday, about outer space and earth, and pretty much everything about the world. I was really interested about it.
AND THEN SHE LOOKED AT ME, TRYING TO HOLD HER LAUGH.
She said, "There's no way you're gonna be an astronaut!" And laughed at me. And the whole class laughed at me too. YES THEY DID THAT.
And you know what? I lost it. All my dreams. No more happy face. It's like a frown was painted on my face with permanent marker. It's never gone and that's the time when I know I'll never be the same anymore.
I just realized that those simple words damaged my whole self when I was 14. I remembered, then I started to think. That was a stupid move. There's no way someone could be that cruel, breaking a 7 years old's dreams, ruining her soul, making her insecure until the end of her life.
What's a teacher to do? Is that a right thing? No. She might think I was so stupid because I was a kid so I would just forget about it and go play with my friends, but I didn't. I don't think I would ever do that.
That story of a bit- I mean my teacher *coughs*, has a big connection with the other stories that I wrote down below.
Now get Hermione Granger's time turner, we're going to 2015.
*Weird time turner noises*
So I was 13. My dad and his co-workers were on a holiday (it was like an office event actually) and they were allowed to bring their families so my mom and I were going too.
I was so unaware and dumb, really. I would lose my things on the bus and people would find it somewhere else. That time, I lost my purse. I didn't really lose it though, it just went under the seat and I knew it, and I can't reach it so my dad told the driver to place it on the seat so I can find it the next day.
Skip to the next day, we were going to have a breakfast at the hotel. I was in the elevator with my parents and my dad's co-workers. They mocked me like "Oh no I lost my purse!" and laughed and I felt really uncomfortable. I was like, "These b*tches better stop talking before I lose my sh*t"
HOW DARE THEY. I felt really stupid and insecure. I felt like I just wanna disappear and never come back, lol.
Oh, and they would always stare at me everytime I wear something different, like they wore heels and I was just sitting there with my boots. That's so stupid, really.
Now go the present time.
I hate dealing with people like that. The ones that would always laugh at you. And the ones that would stare, mentally judging you like they're saying "Look at you, you look so stupid!" telepathically.
I can't just ignore that. I would be really uncomfortable and just feel like I wanna bippity boppity back the f*ck away lmao.
The thing is, now I'm debating with my own self because I'll be going somewhere (uhh, where 5SOS and Tonight Alive are from lmao) very soon (again, office event) and I don't want things like that happen for the 942484274th time.
My dad gave me a list of what should we bring and there's some things that is I must say, different, from my usual style. Like beanies. I don't think I would look great with them. Plus, my dad's boss said to him to bring me some shorts because we're going to a beach and NOBODY WANTS TO LOOK EMO AT THE BEACH. Who gave you the idea to wear black jeans at a beach? MCR is dead so is 2007 emos. It's over, dudes. You all can go home now *Pete Wentz voice*.
Okay back, I don't want to be judged. I've never been judged verbally, always mentally. And you know, the majority of people in my country are Muslims, so just try to wear shorts at public places. People would stare, lol.
So being different, like wearing something uncommon, will obviously make people stare at you and they will make you feel like something is wrong with you. Try dealing with that thing for days. I don't even think I would survive getting attentions I never wanted for hours.
I don't want them to mock me again. I don't even want to go. Well, I should, though. My dad paid for all the things and there's nothing I can do. And for the beanie, he bought me one too and I bet my mom would yell at me if I don't wear that.
So soon, I'm going to deal with the b*tchy co-workers again and I will try to ignore it. Please wish me luck.
That's all from this rosé child (stupid fact: I don't even drink wine. Only once, and I don't even know it was rosé wine. Tastes so good, I must say. Will never drink again bc I don't wanna be a S-I-N-N-E-R)
I honestly don't know what I'm doing here, really. But I've been taking a break from Instagram, where I go everytime I need to rant over something because I love when people see my Instagram stories, or Snapgrams, or whatever you call it, I feel like people are listening to what I feel or think about something lol. So now I'm just gonna write it down here because this thing called blog is pretty empty and boring and I don't want to seem like I only made this blog just for my school projects.
Kay that's a good (jk) long intro. Let's get into the rant because why tf not (I don't know if I can curse or nah here I hope my teacher doesn't see this lol)
So I've been dealing with my insecurities for a long time now and I want to share anything about it here. I remember the first time I felt insecure. It was on grade 2, when my teacher asked us all about our dreams, what we want to be in the future.
She asked me, "So, what do you want to be?"
And I, being my dreamy self, answered, "I want to be an astronaut!". That's because I really loved this one book I got on my 6th birthday, about outer space and earth, and pretty much everything about the world. I was really interested about it.
AND THEN SHE LOOKED AT ME, TRYING TO HOLD HER LAUGH.
She said, "There's no way you're gonna be an astronaut!" And laughed at me. And the whole class laughed at me too. YES THEY DID THAT.
And you know what? I lost it. All my dreams. No more happy face. It's like a frown was painted on my face with permanent marker. It's never gone and that's the time when I know I'll never be the same anymore.
I just realized that those simple words damaged my whole self when I was 14. I remembered, then I started to think. That was a stupid move. There's no way someone could be that cruel, breaking a 7 years old's dreams, ruining her soul, making her insecure until the end of her life.
What's a teacher to do? Is that a right thing? No. She might think I was so stupid because I was a kid so I would just forget about it and go play with my friends, but I didn't. I don't think I would ever do that.
That story of a bit- I mean my teacher *coughs*, has a big connection with the other stories that I wrote down below.
Now get Hermione Granger's time turner, we're going to 2015.
*Weird time turner noises*
So I was 13. My dad and his co-workers were on a holiday (it was like an office event actually) and they were allowed to bring their families so my mom and I were going too.
I was so unaware and dumb, really. I would lose my things on the bus and people would find it somewhere else. That time, I lost my purse. I didn't really lose it though, it just went under the seat and I knew it, and I can't reach it so my dad told the driver to place it on the seat so I can find it the next day.
Skip to the next day, we were going to have a breakfast at the hotel. I was in the elevator with my parents and my dad's co-workers. They mocked me like "Oh no I lost my purse!" and laughed and I felt really uncomfortable. I was like, "These b*tches better stop talking before I lose my sh*t"
HOW DARE THEY. I felt really stupid and insecure. I felt like I just wanna disappear and never come back, lol.
Oh, and they would always stare at me everytime I wear something different, like they wore heels and I was just sitting there with my boots. That's so stupid, really.
Now go the present time.
I hate dealing with people like that. The ones that would always laugh at you. And the ones that would stare, mentally judging you like they're saying "Look at you, you look so stupid!" telepathically.
I can't just ignore that. I would be really uncomfortable and just feel like I wanna bippity boppity back the f*ck away lmao.
The thing is, now I'm debating with my own self because I'll be going somewhere (uhh, where 5SOS and Tonight Alive are from lmao) very soon (again, office event) and I don't want things like that happen for the 942484274th time.
My dad gave me a list of what should we bring and there's some things that is I must say, different, from my usual style. Like beanies. I don't think I would look great with them. Plus, my dad's boss said to him to bring me some shorts because we're going to a beach and NOBODY WANTS TO LOOK EMO AT THE BEACH. Who gave you the idea to wear black jeans at a beach? MCR is dead so is 2007 emos. It's over, dudes. You all can go home now *Pete Wentz voice*.
Okay back, I don't want to be judged. I've never been judged verbally, always mentally. And you know, the majority of people in my country are Muslims, so just try to wear shorts at public places. People would stare, lol.
So being different, like wearing something uncommon, will obviously make people stare at you and they will make you feel like something is wrong with you. Try dealing with that thing for days. I don't even think I would survive getting attentions I never wanted for hours.
I don't want them to mock me again. I don't even want to go. Well, I should, though. My dad paid for all the things and there's nothing I can do. And for the beanie, he bought me one too and I bet my mom would yell at me if I don't wear that.
So soon, I'm going to deal with the b*tchy co-workers again and I will try to ignore it. Please wish me luck.
That's all from this rosé child (stupid fact: I don't even drink wine. Only once, and I don't even know it was rosé wine. Tastes so good, I must say. Will never drink again bc I don't wanna be a S-I-N-N-E-R)
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