Hi. My name’s Ainna. I’m
15 and I’m allergic to frowns.
Not a lot of people
know about my condition, but I’m well sure there are millions of people
who experience the same thing.
First of all, symptoms.
It’s what the doctor usually tells you, right?
Well, in this case,
nobody needs a doctor. Self-diagnose is the best way (and well, the only way)
to know if you’re also allergic to frowns like me.
We have 5 main symptoms
here. So, the first symptom is: lack of confidence. If you can’t appreciate yourself
for doing what you desired to or being who you really are, then there’s a huge
chance that you may be allergic to frowns..
Second symptom, you
spend 90% of your life span following rules. Why? Because you don’t want to be
the rebellious kid who worries everyone. Their frowns trigger your allergy,
remember?
Third, you may be
really submissive. You prefer praising then to be praised. You like to be the
sinner, not the saint. At least, it’s
what you’re used to be. It’s like the default setting in your body.
It’s not like because
you can’t be a good leader. I’m sure people who overthink like the
majority of us can be a great leader. Better than most people, actually.
Because we want to be the best of them all. And it’s not that we have OCD or
something, we just don’t want to annoy people.
The next symptom is:
you can’t say no. Does that need any more explanation?
People asking for help → You
say no → Frowns!!!
Last symptom: you
probably have a lot of mental breakdowns because you’re trying to make everyone
happy. This is the worst case scenario :
People asking for help ⟶ You
say yes to all of them ↴
⬐You
can’t do it right ← You
get mental breakdowns
You annoy people → More
frowns!!!
Let’s talk about self
experience instead of cures. Because we all know, there is no cure, lol. Story
time! Turn the lights off, I’m going to a full hour of rant and sadness here.
All eyes on me, NOW.
So I’ve been like this
since a long time. I recently spent 3 days in my room, doing things instead of
homeworks. Well, I’ve been stressing out about them, so instead of doing it
while crying like a baby, I sleep.
“Just let me cry a little bit longer
I ain’t gonna smile if I don’t want to
Hey man, we all can’t be like you
I wish we were all rose-colored too”
I didn’t go out. Maybe less
than an hour/day, because I needed to eat (My mom forced me to and I’m glad
today I was fasting so no food for me). I also ate in my room, by the way. Bathroom
break wasn’t really necessary, except when I took a shower which is only
once/day, and when I have to pray. Didn’t pee at all.
“But Ainna, you said
that you were doing things! What was that?” You may wonder. Well, I crawl on
the floor, listening to the whole Entertainment album by Waterparks, fangirling
over how cute Hayley Williams is, painting Lynn Gunn, and cry while wrapped in
my blanket. Exactly what I’m doing right now.
The worst thing about
staying in my room for 3 days straight is that I’m constantly being reminded about
how I screwed up when I look into the mirror. But it feels like home to be this
messy.
And when you open my
door, you’ll see me. Probably sleeping because that’s the only thing that prevent
me from crying. Being a mess. Like your girlfriend who’s been working out in
the gym for 5 hours.
Oversleep > Overcry > Being depressed
& stressed out
The difference is, I
smell better. I smell better because I don’t sweat, I cry. I don’t sweat
because I love being in my room with my AC on, crying over the fact that no
matter what I do, I can’t please everyone. While all these years I spent most
of my time in this earth living up to people’s expectations.
“AC on? Your parents
must’ve paid so much! Don’t you pity them?” Oh honey, I do. But if you’re in
this situation where you’re caught in the middle (*clears throat* excuse my
Paramore loving self for this intentional reference), don’t know how to live properly
and also scared to die, you’ll understand how everything just doesn’t matter
anymore. You'll feel like a total failure. And knowing that you’re being a burden to your family just makes it
more complicated.
“I’m just a little bit caught in the
middle,
I tried to keep going but it’s not that
simple”
(Gosh, I love After Laughter.
Hail to our lords and saviors, Taylor, Zac, and Hayley.)
Before I put another
Paramore reference, I gotta MCR- I mean I gotta go and sleep so I can wake up
at 3 am to do my homeworks. Anyway March 22 is getting closer, I may as well
die once again for My Chem to come back. See y’all in hell.
